BANG!

I'm kicking the new year off with a BANG!, and by BANG! I mean that my goal is to get Crazy Claire to STOP banging. With the help of my colleague Courtney, tonight I will put "Operation No More Ejaculation" (ON ME) into action.

Step 1 of ON ME: Courtney has written the following note, on a very nondescript piece of notebook paper.

Step 2 of ON ME: When I get home, I will slip this letter into her mailbox, and put another copy of it on her back door.

Step 3 of ON ME: Wait. If her "nocturnal activities" are louder tonight than normal, I will: call my landlord in the morning and file a complaint. If her "nocturnal activities" cease, I will bake her some cookies, and send a basket full of things that make people fat and not horny- a non-aphrodisiac basket if you will.

Step 4 of ON ME: If I see her and she asks me if I wrote the note, I can honestly say, "What note?! I haven't written anyone a note." If she shows it to me, I am prepared to act as though I have never seen it, AND give her a handwriting sample.

Step 5 of ON ME: Sweet, silent, and restful slumber. Without having to listen to things that go BANG! in the night.